Nightmares

As a teacher, it wasn't unusual for me to start dreaming about my classroom in August as we returned from summer break, or right before a concert. Every now and then, a nightmare would pop up where I had lost children or where everything broke or some other absurd variation on what could go wrong. It's a common experience among teachers!

Although my position has changed, these nightmares still have a way of sneaking up on you. I can tell I've been more stressed about things lately, because I had my first "FTE nightmare" this week! And in keeping with my attentive #oneword2021, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on where this stress is coming from. Here are some of the things keeping me up at night...

• I'm worried about the future of all electives. Will we double down on math & literacy in an effort to "catch students up" and do so at the expense of the classes that round out their education?
• In particular, I'm worried about the future of music education. Singing events have led to the spread of the virus (although there are many factors to these events), and I fear that, in the court of public opinion, the risk just won't be worth it. Will students not sign up, or will schools not offer these classes?
• Then we come to the numbers game. In the electives world, your job is often determined by how many students sign up for your classes. Our enrollment is down across the board. Many students did not get the classes they signed up for this year due to schedule changes to make cohorts happen (they were just shoved into whatever elective class fit into their schedule). What impact will that have on next year?
• Speaking of that, budgets. What will the federal and state funding for public education look like? My state is known for the B.S. Factor (yes, that's what it's called, the Budget Stabilization Factor, or B.S. factor for short) which creates a deficit in funding public education in order to balance the budget. Less money from the state = hard decisions about what that means in schools.
• Which led to my nightmare. Of having to tell teachers that they are being let go or reassigned. And because our contract (similar to most) works on the basis of seniority, I dreamed about having to let go of some of our awesome teachers, who have created resources and shared and collaborated and worked like crazy to bring amazing content to our kids this year, because they happen to be lowest on the totem pole.
• I worry about the teachers I have the privilege to serve and lead. People are exhausted. Hanging on by a thread. Burned out. The spark, the joy of teaching is often muffled these days because teaching at boxes with profile pictures just isn't the same. And the asks are mounting. Vaccine distribution seems to be bringing hope, but we are continuing to exist in this heightened state of fear and alertness, and our bodies can only take so much of that. And then you add in concerns about job security. Will we make it?
• Ultimately, it comes back to our kids. I worry about their isolation, and also about the pressure they feel. These classes are connectors, they are places for kids who doesn't always do so well in academia to shine. They are often the highlight of a student's day. And with more information coming out about the impact of the pandemic on the mental health of children and teens, with every new story about a suicide or overdose, I think about how important it is that we don't just push our kids back into an environment of focusing solely on academics. There are other, perhaps greater, needs that we must attend to as well.

Usually, I try to be pretty positive on this blog, and I don't mean to say that it is all gloom and doom. I have seen amazing things happen this year, and I know that some good has come out of all of this! But I can't deny that these concerns are a constant rumble of low-level stress, and as planning for next year begins, they are starting to bubble up more.

As I reflect personally, I think that my goal is to hold all of this in balance. It is important for me to have these thoughts and acknowledge them, because they lead to advocating for what I believe is right and making wise decisions for the things under my control. But I can't let the fears overtake my life or drown out the joy of a profession where we truly get to impact lives. My hope for all of you is that, whatever your nightmares and dreams are, you will be able to balance it and still find the joy!

Self-Care, Amazing Teachers, & the Roller Coaster of 2020

My mind is scattered today, which is no surprise. It seems to be a way of life lately! I found myself wanting to blog, but having a lot of half-formed ideas, so I figured I would just start writing and see what came out.

Self-Care

I think it's important to start with a bit of self-reflection. The past couple of weeks have been hard, as cases continue to rise and restrictions tighten in my area. I don't think I realized until now how much I don't want to go back to that isolation again. I know that it is important for us to protect each other, and I will do my part, but the tightened restrictions has made me feel more anxious (and I'm sure the election didn't help). Along with that, my workload has increased really significantly over the past several weeks (more on that below), leaving me feeling more and more overwhelmed.

Reaching out for help isn't always easy, but I decided I needed to do two concrete things to try to help myself. The first was expressing to my leaders how overwhelmed I was feeling with work. Even if nothing can be done about it, I still think it was important for me to share my thoughts rather than continuing on and pretending that all was fine. The second thing I decided to do was text a friend to ask if she had an idea of someone I could talk to for some mentoring about some specific situations I am facing at work. She responded with a suggestion, and I had a phone conversation with this person this week. It was so helpful to hear my own words and thoughts reflected back to me in different words, to have someone asking reflective questions, and to help me think through some concrete next steps. All of this has to do with my #oneword2020, value, in valuing myself enough to prioritize finding ways to help myself in a time when it feels like there are so many competing priorities!

Amazing Teachers

I don't even know where to start on this one...I have had the pleasure of subbing in several classrooms while teachers are out on quarantine, and I am constantly amazed by my colleagues. Sometimes when I am watching them teach virtually or experiencing their classroom routines, I feel like I am getting a masterclass in good instruction! All of this fills my teaching heart up, and it challenges me to be a better teacher every day.

I also am leading a task force which started this week, where we are trying to figure out how to solve some complex scheduling situations for next semester (traveling teachers + COVID guidelines + changed school schedules = chaos). I was so encouraged by the collaboration and creative thinking of our teachers and administrators on this committee. The focus on the common good and what is best for the kids is amazing! I was so nervous for this committee, but after our first meeting, I feel full of hope!

Roller Coaster

Although I am focusing on the positives here, I would be lying if I said that life didn't feel like a roller coaster at times. I have so many competing emotions: I love subbing in schools, but I get overwhelmed by the work that builds up when I am in schools all day; I get nervous about these complex issues to solve, but am encouraged by the collaboration and work of our educators; I want to keep everyone safe, but don't want to go back to a "Stay at Home" state. I think that we will continue to live through this, and I just keep reminding myself to give extra grace -- to others and myself -- during this time. Most of us are probably not at our best right now. The more we can move toward each other with compassion and grace, the better off we will be. I'm trying to remember that every day!

And thus concludes a snippet into my life and mind in this year of 2020!

Look Around

 Look around, friends. This pandemic keeps going. Along with it is the stress, the anxiety, the uncertainty, and the isolation. And now we're heading into the winter.

I know that I, myself, have appreciated the opportunities to be outside more and socialize while the weather is nice. It has gone a long way toward helping me feel less isolated.

Some schools are back, some aren't, and many are in a hybrid form of teaching and learning. It's hard. Even when we have amazing teachers and leaders and everyone is going above and beyond and being extremely creative to make the best of it, it's hard.

Look around at your kids. Look around at your coworkers. How are they doing? How are YOU doing?

The mental health statistics scare me. The suicide rates (attempted and successful) are up. Abuse rates are up. As we talk about a virus that can kill, I hope we also remember these other things too and that we are equally as attentive to them. They are sneaky, often silent, but have very real consequences.

I hope and pray that, as we enter another phase, we keep in mind the human needs above all else. Love. Connection. The need to be seen for who we really are. The need to be honest about the good and the bad in life. The need to know that you matter.

Look around. Be that person today who brings light to another!

*I hope nobody reads this and thinks that I am not taking the virus seriously...that is not my intention at all. I just see this other, more silent epidemic of mental health concerns going on, and I want to take a moment to shed light on that. These two things are not mutually exclusive!

#LessonsInLeadership: Relationships Matter

If I had a nickel for every time someone said, "We don't know" in the past couple of weeks, I'd be rich.

All kidding aside, this is a time full of unknowns in life, and education is no exception. School leaders and parents are all trying to make decisions with minimal information (and/or information chat seems to change every day).

If there's one lesson I can pinpoint in all of this, it is that a little bit of listening and personal conversation can go a long way.

In the past several weeks, I have received numerous emails, texts, and phone calls from the teachers I help lead in my district. Many of them want to know if we can talk. And my answer is always yes.

I have been struck by how many of these conversations have ended with something like, "Thanks, I feel better now after talking to you." The truth is, I don't really have more answers or give people a whole lot of new information, it's just that we take the time to connect on a human level. We can talk through their individual situation, given the information that we both have at hand, and think about what it means. These conversations may take up some of my time, but the investment in people, in my team, is well worth it. I firmly believe that people will feel more comfortable, less anxious, and be better employees, teachers, and humans when they know that they are in a caring environment!

Contrast this with other situations I've seen, where the directive has been, "The leader is overwhelmed right now, so unless it's urgent, don't reach out." I get it -- this is an overwhelming time, and sometimes we need to focus on other things. But do you notice how that puts up a wall? It communicates that other "stuff" is more important than the person who is looking for help. And even if it is said with the best of intentions, it creates a less comfortable and more anxious working environment.

Even worse than that is when nothing at all is said. When people feel like they are just shouting into the void and not getting any answers. That can feel like, "You issue/question/situation isn't even important enough for me to acknowledge." Does that keep your team engaged and headed in the right direction?

I'm not perfect, nor do I have time to say "yes" right away every time. In fact, one of my recent emails sounded something like this: "I would love to connect, but I need to focus on preparing for teachers to come back next week. Could we try to schedule something after that?" Keeping the door open while politely protecting my time & top priorities for this week was my goal. And I received a very understanding response!

Connection matters. The more uncertain the future, the more people just want to know someone is out there who cares. Be human first, and a worker second. And 99% of the time, it will actually help your work turn out better, because your team is engaged, empowered, and spending more of their time focusing on what needs to be done rather than wondering what the leader is thinking!

Go forth and lead through relationships!

To the 2020 Senior Class

Seniors,

Congratulations! I am so excited for you to graduate and go off to your next adventures! I wish I could be in the audience, cheering and clapping as you walk across the stage, but in lieu of that, I will have to share my excitement online.

You were the first group of students I got to teach for four consecutive years. I watched many of you start your instruments in 5th grade, and followed you through 8th grade, whether you continued in orchestra or not. As you moved into high school, I tried to make it to all of your concerts (only missed a couple!) and smiled with pride as I saw you taking leadership, helping younger students, and growing into thoughtful, fun, caring people.

You are a special group of students. Every group is special, but some just come together and there is magic there. You are like that. I have images running through my mind of all of the times you volunteered to help in big and small ways, the ways you generously gave to others, and the silly moments of being on the bus after String Camp.

I will miss seeing you around town, but I know you will do great things! I'm sad that I can't be there in person for you today, but I hope that we can do something in July. I know that many of you won't remember your elementary or middle school orchestra teacher, but I remember you - you have already made an impact on the world.

Congratulations, class of 2020, especially my Eagle friends! Oh, the places you will go!

Teacher Appreciation Week 2020

This week feels strange this year. More than ever, I think that society is showing appreciation for teachers, which is great! I think that teachers can use every bit of encouragement right now, because teaching remotely is HARD!

I also want to encourage us to not forget all of the educational professionals who make things happen for kids every day. The paraeducators, office professionals, custodial staff, food service providers, nurses, and other school professionals play a huge role in welcoming our students and helping them feel safe and supported all day long!

Beyond the school, there is a whole network of support people at the district. You may not know their names, but they are keeping the lights on, the technology working, and making sure employees get paid. These people may not be teachers, but they are an integral part to making sure kids get a great education!

Whatever you do, wherever you are at, I hope you can take a moment this week to say thank you. Say thank you to a teacher, a staff member, or someone in education who is working to make a difference for kids. It doesn't have to be fancy - a quick, personal email can go a long way.

And on that note, to all of my friends in education:

Coming Together

Quick blog tonight - I've pondered what I want to write all day, and have finally settled on a topic that has made me smile over the past couple of weeks: community.

We are working on some amazing initiatives in my district to bring people together. Two that I am heading up are the art & music initiatives.

Art
We have one week left in "The HeART of Our Community," where people are submitting a photograph of something they've created that is either in the shape of a heart or includes a heart in it. We've seen over 200 responses come in so far, full of heart shapes and anatomical hearts, beads, chalk, and paint, nature and found objects, and so much more! I'm also excited to see that they are coming from 36 different schools and every grade level from PK-12th grade (and staff) is represented. Each new picture makes me smile, and I love reading the artist statements.

A recent submission included a photograph, and the statement said that it was made to honor the student's grandparent who had recently passed away. I was struck by how meaningful some of this artwork is to the students - and I hope that the act of creating brought a small measure of healing. I can't wait until we put the final product together to see a beautiful compilation of our community's creative talents!

Music
Meanwhile, we have been making preparation for a collaborative song, where anyone can submit a video of themselves singing along, and we will mix it all together into something amazing (*fingers crossed*)! This has taken SO much prep work, and just this week, we started having submissions coming in from teachers playing on the instrumental accompaniment track. It's so much fun to see our teachers as musicians, which we don't see often enough, and to feel the synergy as the parts begin to come together. I sure miss being around people right now, but listening to recordings of us all playing together makes it almost feel like we are around each other.

In other music news, a friend and I have been recording socially distanced duets together (aka we both record ourselves playing and then mix the videos). It has been such a blessing and a highlight to do something that we love - making music - and take a break from both work and all of the news about the virus.

Coming together while being apart is powerful. How are you coming together with others?

Tired.

Friends, I'm tired. I'm tired of all of this - staying at home, staring at screens all day, and knowing that the next day will be pretty much the same. I understand and support why we are doing this, but I'm tired!

Our kids are tired.

Our teachers are tired.

Our whole educational systems are tired.

So, what? Clearly, I didn't need to write a blog post just to say that! My focus is on what we can do about it. Here are a few easy ideas that have brought me joy recently.

• Send a hand-written note, letter, or card. It's been so much fun to receive notes, and I've enjoyed the opportunity to return the favor!
• Host a virtual FAC or social hour. Although sometimes I feel like the last thing I want to do is to stare at a screen, sometimes just having time with work friends with no agenda, and the ability to share in this crazy world we are all in, can be refreshing!
• Do something different. I think that part of my tiredness is feeling like all of the days stretch into each other. This week, I decided that I needed to have some fun and different, so I looked for a YouTube playlist of Just Dance videos. Whatever it is for you, try something small and new!
• Organize something. I wish I could say I've organized my house, but in all honesty, it's been maintaining control of my email inbox. Having things labeled & put in order makes me feel like I have control over something in this time of uncertainty :-).
• Be gentle with yourself (and others). Most of us are not at our best right now. I want to be able to do more work, to be nicer, to keep up my regular workout routine...but I just can't do it all. In fact, I can't even do as much as I usually do. Understanding that this is normal helps me cut myself some slack, and I want to extend the same grace to others!

How are you finding joy these days?

On Grades, Motivation, & Ownership

My brain is all over the place, with it being day thirtysomething of social distancing, but in keeping with my commitment to blog through this time, I thought I would write a few snippets.

During this time, for the majority of our students, grades are no longer a motivating factor (we are handling elementary/middle/high school differently, but the majority of our students really can't fail classes or see their grade go down). Some students and teachers are really struggling with the "why" question now - "Why should I do this work, if it doesn't count for a grade?" It's really showing who loves learning for the sake of learning! On the other hand, I have a (straight-A) kiddo who is freaked out about going to pass/fail because there is no in between.

Motivation is another interesting roller coaster. I'm feeling it, just like the kids are - this is hard, it's tiring, and especially for our kiddos who are socially motivated, it's harder to want to get things done! On the other hand, some kids who struggle in the classroom setting are actually loving the motivation of "spend a couple of hours working really hard, and then you have the rest of the day free!" We are definitely learning more about what works for each individual kid.

Finally, I think we are really seeing dividends with the teachers who have given their students a lot of ownership of their learning, because now, we are relying on that! I even felt it myself, in my private violin teaching - when a student's E string is way out of tune, I usually just grab the instrument and tune it myself (with the peg), because it's so easy to break that string. This time, though, I had to coach my student online, and she did it! It was a great reminder to me that even though it's easier and faster when I do it, the better payoff is to let our students grow into independent learners who can handle themselves. This time is both a growing opportunity for them, and a time when a spotlight is shining on those who do or don't yet have those skills.

Hope you all are staying safe, healthy, and motivated!

Love One Another

I have been disturbed by the reports I've heard recently of violence and hate against Asian people, on account of the virus. As a person who is half-Chinese myself, it feels close to home! I also know that there are other groups who experience this regularly, and I am just now getting a taste of how they might be feeling.

In a strictly clinical way, I get it. Stress is high right now. People are dying. It's easy to want something to blame. The virus was first detected in China. It's not that much of a leap to see how people would misplace their anger and lash out at anything that reminds them of this virus that seems to be defining our lives right now.

But, oh, how it feels! Friends, how can we be doing this? In a time when we have seen so many amazing examples of communities coming together, how are there still strands of hate running through it all? It's easy to think that we are "past" this as a society - of course are intelligent enough to know that the person of Asian descent on the trail next to us is not to blame for the virus, right? Then why are these things still happening?

So I'm writing today with one message: Love one another. On this Easter weekend, that message seems especially poignant. Please, please, spread love in your community, not hate. The world needs it right now!

Working from Home...

...is not my favorite! But it's our reality right now, with good reason. Three weeks in, I wanted to share three things I'm noticing, three challenges I'm facing, and three benefits I'm seeing.

Three Things I'm Noticing:

1. My schedule is later than usual. I am waking up later, working later, and going to bed later.

2. My eating habits are really different. Rather than eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I am snacking or eating smaller meals all day long. Still trying to find the balance on this one - I don't think the different habits are necessarily bad, but I need to re-calibrate how much I should eat for larger meals, knowing I am snacking more in between.

3. I now know what my pet does all day. I say this tongue in cheek, but seriously, I've gotten the chance to observe my cat's habits like never before! At least, her habits with me being home - I wonder if it's different without any humans around? ;-)

Three Challenges I'm Facing:

1. It is really hard to "shut off" work for the day and move onto "me time". I mean, my work (computer) is sitting in the middle of the kitchen table, staring me in the face! But it's better than a couple of weeks ago, before I was able to get my work computer, and I was doing all of my work on my personal device - talk about no separation!

2. I'm tired of my chair! Sitting all day is hard, and especially when it is in the same chair, day after day. I noticed that my back was hurting this week due to some of the ways I have been turning to work on my double monitor (which I am SO thankful for), so I adjusted my setup. It helped, but still, I think I might have to find a couple of different places to with and work so that my body isn't in the same position all of the time.

3. So. Much. Screen. Time. I have never been a person who focuses too much on screen time (I believe that what you are doing on that screen is far more important than counting minutes), but by the end of the day/week, even social things like happy hours via Zoom feel like one too many activities on the screen.

Three Benefits I'm Seeing:

1. No commute! Seriously, this saves time and mental energy, leaving more of both for doing the things I really want or need to be doing.

2. More flexible hours! I've often found that I do well when I wake up early, work for a couple of hours, take a long break, and then get on with my work day. Right now, I can do that, and I've taken advantage of that several time!

3. More collaboration! As counter-intuitive as this sounds, we have been collaborating so much more. One of the barriers to this during "regular life" is time and space - it's hard to all be in the same place together. When we are all working from home, that barrier is instantly removed, and it's easier to get together virtually! I've been so energized by seeing how communities are coming together.

I know we will continue to get through this - here's to week #4!

Bringing Out the Best in Us!

The teacher who has rarely (if ever!) used technology to teach before, finding that Google Slides is fun!

The team that voluntarily worked all weekend to dismantle Chromebook carts, disinfect every device, and wipe the profiles so they could be ready to hand to students who need a device at home.

The unlikely new teammates that are quickly learning to collaborate and work well together from a distance.

The teachers who made a video compilation to say that they miss their students...and the students who replied with a video compilation of their own.

The hundreds of teachers who showed up in optional professional development sessions over spring break to learn how to do this well for their kids, and continue to ask for me.

The staff who are calling families to make sure they know how to access food, technology, and learning.

The operations staff who have spent hours cleaning, disinfecting, and making sure our buildings will be safe when we return.

The community members who are donating money, food, and time to make sure our students and families are taken care of.

I'm not trying to be falsely positive or make light of a very serious situation. It's true that there are a lot of things about this virus that stink! But I want to take a moment to be grateful for the good -- the way it is bringing out the best in us!

Teachers, We've Got This!

Teachers, we've got this!

Over the past several weeks, we've spent a lot of time talking about everything that has changed. Indeed, our world looks different than it did a month ago! But what if we focus on the things that have not changed?

Our relationships

We are in this profession because we care. About students. About families. About learning. None of that has changed! We still can find ways to show our kids how much they mean to us, and how much we care. Those relationships can't be stopped by 6 feet (or more) of distance!

Our creativity

We have been functioning for years in less-than-ideal circumstances. Lack of funding = purchasing our own supplies, larger class sizes, and generally being asked to do more with less. You could almost say we are experts at adapting to the situation and making do! Here is another chance for our creative selves to shine. "Necessity is the mother of invention," and I know we will come out of this having invented new (and sometimes better!) ways of thinking about our instruction and what really matters in a class.

Our perseverance

Standardized testing. Educator effectiveness. Unfunded mandates. We are all-too-familiar with the number of things that get added to our plates, yet we persevere. That all-important "grit" that we talk about with kids? Just like always, we are going to keep going when the going gets tough and work through hardship.

So you see, even though a lot has changed, the most important things haven't. We will work through this next chapter of education, together, because our students are worth it. The tools might look different (hello, Hangouts/Meet and Schoology), but the core of education will stay the same - helping our students learn and grow into happy, healthy, and well-rounded human beings.

Teachers, we've got this!

Keeping It Simple

I know I've been on a bit of a blogging break. I just had so much going on, and this was one thing I could let go of for a few weeks to give myself some breathing room! But in this world of wow-things-are-moving-quickly-with-coronavirus, I thought it would be a good time to return!

I'm here today with one message: Keep it simple.

Those of us who are active in the ed tech world probably have lots of ideas for how to implement home learning. Some of our favorite tools are now being offered for free (due to the pandemic)! Our expertise in designing blended or flipped lessons is paying off! Everyone is being so great about sharing resources, so we have a whole world of ideas at our fingertips!

We need to be reminded: Keep it simple.

This is a huge change for our students. It will feel weird to them. They will be balancing other things, like siblings vying for use of the technology, the loss of their usual social outlets, and feeling cooped up at home. Along with that, we are kidding ourselves if we think the kids aren't feeling the undercurrent of stress running through society right now. We need to not overwhelm them and keep it simple.

This is a huge change for our parents. They are dealing with childcare issues, figuring out how to continue with their jobs, and for some, how to continue to put food on the table. They may be thinking about elderly parents, having enough toilet paper, and access to medical care if needed. We need to not expect that they will be sitting next to their students, helping them with schoolwork every day. For their sake, we need to keep it simple.

And this is a huge change for our teachers! Some teachers are ready and building lessons as we speak! But I bet each one of us has a face that comes to mind when we think about somebody who is not as excited about technology. All teachers, no matter what their level of comfort with technology is, are probably feeling a little intimidated and worried about their students, how they can teach online, and what will happen with tests/graduation requirements/evaluations/etc. We live in this wonderful world of sharing, but let's not dump too much information on our teachers who are adjusting - let's keep it simple.

So what does simple mean?

• Relationships first. Connect with kids. Connect with each other.
• "Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." ~Brene Brown. A little clarity goes a long way.
• Communicate. The unknown is scary. Hearing from each other makes us feel a little less alone.
• Don't neglect self-care. One of the downsides of the internet is that we are all connected, 24/7. Step away and take care of yourself, too.
• Above all, let grace and compassion reign. We are all in uncharted waters, and we are all figuring it out together. Some of us will adjust more smoothly than others. Let's put our differences aside and be gracious as we try, take risks, fail, and try again!