#oneword2019 Reflection: COURAGE

2019 was a weird year for me professionally - a year of growth and change. I would really divide it into two parts: the end of the 18-19 school year (when I was in one position) and the beginning of the 19-20 school year (when my position changed). My #oneword2019 was courage, and I needed in both phases!

Here's what I wanted to have:

• Courage to embrace change
• Courage to look at things differently
• Courage to say no to some things and give up control
• Courage to do what's right, not just what's easy
• Courage to not run from tough conversations
• Courage to step out with confidence and lead

The first half of my year was all about courage and growth as a leader. I'm proud to look back and say that I did try to do what is right, not just what is easy, to have some tough conversations, and to lead with confidence. I also had the courage to take on a leading role in our district's strategic plan, something that felt way over my head! I grew so much in being willing to make hard decisions and stand behind them, yet (hopefully) deliver them with grace and compassion. I came out feeling stronger, and realizing that I really could do some things that scared me...and do them well! It wasn't all positive, but I am happy with the way I was able to put courage into action.

As I transitioned into my new role over the summer, a different kind of courage was required. I found myself often having to reflect on that bullet point of saying no to some things, because they were no longer my job...which was hard! I needed the courage to embrace change, because whether I wanted it or not, change was here.

To be honest, if I were to pick a word for the second half of my year, it would be struggle. Struggle isn't always bad, but it isn't ever easy. And it takes courage to keep going through struggle.

It's been a struggle to settle into my new role, to figure out what my days look like now, and how to work with a new team. Sometimes, courage has manifested in having the strength to look inward to figure out what really is triggering my frustration. Sometimes, courage has been being honest about how I am feeling and what I need. Sometimes, courage has looked like continuing to show up, to be present, and to put one foot in front of the other when it's hard.

In an unexpected way, through the highs and the lows, courage ended up being a very appropriate word for my year. It's something I know I need to carry with me into 2020 as I continue to hope through the struggle. But a new year is a time to focus on a new word.

What will it be? Stay tuned!

A Little Reminder Goes a Long Way

It feels like I'm blogging a lot about my personal journey at work these days (as opposed to students/teachers), but that's where I'm at - and I know I'm not the only one who has ever dealt with a reorganization or job change!

My new role has been full of a lot of learning, which is GOOD. I love learning new things! At the same time, it can be hard on my confidence. Impostor Syndrome is a real thing, and I have found myself wondering how I can effectively support teachers whose jobs look very different than mine looked when I was teaching.

It's with this mix of overwhelmed learning + "Am I really the right person for this?" that I approached the Colorado EdTechTeam Summit this year.

The day started off with a good reminder from keynote speaker Rushton Hurley

"The only person to whom you ever need to compare yourself is the you who you were yesterday."

Are you looking in the mirror to compare, or looking out the window at everyone else?

After that, I had the opportunity to present on fun stuff: GSuite in the Arts, Spreadsheet AutoMagic, and some Google Experiment play at the playground. It reminded me (as always) that I really enjoy presenting! All of those little moments - the exclamations of "Oh, that's awesome!", "I am doing this with my kids on Monday!", and "That's so cool!" - filled my bucket. I always appreciate positive feedback (who doesn't?), but even more this year when I have felt like such a novice in my day-to-day job.

I think God knew I needed this reminder - despite all of the new, I still have strengths to bring to the table. I have a renewed sense of efficacy in being able to serve and help teachers & students. I have so much to learn, but I also have some good background to draw on.

Passing It On

Which, of course brings me to students. How often do we focus on their weaknesses, instead of their strengths? Do we recognize the background that they bring to the table as a source of learning? Do we make them feel like they are a beginner at everything, or do we value and build on their prior knowledge? These questions are especially relevant for our students who come with different cultural backgrounds that we do.

A little reminder goes a long way. Which student needs a little reminder from you today?

Walking the Tightrope

Today's soundtrack is brought to you by The Greatest Showman:

I'm writing this morning after coming off of a really hard week. One of those weeks where it feels like you are knocked down, over and over, and every time you try to stand up, another gust of wind comes and keeps you on the ground.

But I wouldn't say it's been a bad week. Sure, that's easier to say on this side of it, but it's been a week full of learning through the struggle and facing what's going on instead of running away from it. Ultimately, I know that will lead to healthier and better outcomes.

So, what's been going on?

Our organization is going through a lot of change at the moment. A massive reorganization of district staff supporting instruction means that I am in a new role, working with a new team, for a new supervisor, in a new place...and so is everyone else. Our jobs are still being defined, and we don't exactly know what everything looks like yet. Of course, as we are figuring things out, we all have a tendency to fill in the blanks with what makes sense to us in our frame of reference. And now, a month into the school year, these assumptions are starting to come out and grate against each other. And that's uncomfortable!

At the moment, I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. On one side is where we hope to get to with this change - being super supportive to schools, working well together as a team, and doing everything we can to set our students up for success. On the other side is the messy chaos and fears that come with making a change. On a personal level, one side contains a world where I feel excited about my work, where I see how I am making a difference, and where I have strong relationships with teammates and schools. On the other side, I feel purposeless, unsure of what I am doing or why I am doing it, and feel disconnected from those I am meant to work closely with.

The messy middle

I've always loved the term "the messy middle." It acknowledges the reality of things being hard in the moment, but simultaneously shares the hope of things getting better. And that is exactly where I am at right now. Holding on, clinging to my belief that this stage will slowly start to fade away and I will find myself more firmly planted on the light side.

Supporting through change

So, why do I share all of this here? Some of it is because I want to be real on this blog, and share both the triumphs and the struggles. But beyond that, it has made me think about how we support people through change. What felt supportive to me this week?

• Listening - letting me share and process as I tried to navigate the tension I have been feeling
• Reassurance that it was okay to be in this place - we don't have to pretend that everything is great all of the time, and we have all felt this way at times
• A bit of margin - permission to go outside and take a walk for a minute to clear my head and not feel bad for not "working" during this time
• Asking questions - helping me see things from another perspective
• Attending to both the concrete solutions/ideas (let's try this to help) and the deeper emotional side (I hear that you are feeling like this) - seeing the whole person
• Affirmation - when things feel unsteady, it is easy to doubt myself, and the words (especially from supervisors) about what I am doing well were helpful reminders to me

I know that, being in a district-level position, part of my role is help others navigate change as well. I hope that I can be just as supportive as my leaders have been to me, largely through doing things on this list, and through doing that, we will all be able to walk through this change (and others that will come!) and come out stronger on the other side.

How do you support others in navigating change?

Trust

Trust.

This word has been on my mind a lot lately, as I have been thinking about leadership in education. A #hacklearning chat last week. Interviewing candidates for a principal position. Going through a reorganization in our department at work. Figuring out a schedule for the art, music, and PE teachers in the district for next year. All require...

Trust.

Our #hacklearning chat was about the trust between teachers and administrators, but I think the same concept can be applied to students and teachers, or anywhere there is a power differential. It is important for administrators to be trustworthy, because they often are the ultimate decision-makers. It is important for teachers to trust them, because they often have a perspective and have more information than teachers. Yet trust is not blindly given, it is earned. One of the ways to earn trust is for administrators to trust their teachers by empowering them and giving them freedom when possible. It goes both ways.

Trust.

Interviews are an interesting exercise in trust. You have to trust that candidates are putting their true selves out there, not just spinning a great story for the committee. You have to trust the process of screenings and earlier rounds, and believe that once you get to interviews, the best candidates have truly been brought forward. And, in a process like the one I participated in, the committee doesn't make the final decision...so you have to trust that your input will be heard, considered, and brought together with all of the other voices to make the best decision possible. That becomes easier if you trust the people ultimately doing the hiring.

Trust.

I'm going to be honest, here - this reorg has been the source of many questions and fears (along with excitement & potential for things to improve). There are so many little details that I wonder about! And I really like to know what is going on...all of the time. Yet the thing that I fall back on is trust. I trust that our leaders who have envisioned this change really believe it will help, and I trust that they will figure out the details. I trust that our leadership has the 3 Cs - they are capable, competent, and caring. This trust means that I can let go of my need to know, my desire to advocate at every turn, and my own ideas of how things should be. There is still a time and place to share all of that - and I do - but then I can leave it be and let them take my ideas along with all of the other ones and choose the best path to move forward. One of the big reasons I feel comfortable doing this is because I have seen, many times, these leaders choose to do what is right rather than what is easy. That gives me confidence that it is not only the loudest voices that will be heard! It's freeing to let go, but it's only possible because of the trust that has been earned.

Trust.

And now I come to a place where I have to ask for trust from others. As I develop the schedule for next year, I am acutely aware that the decisions I make will have a significant impact on the lives of my teachers and their students. I worry about making the right call, and I am asking for a lot of input. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it is essential to involve as many voices as possible in the process, but I was struck when one of my teachers and friends said to me, "We trust you to make good decisions, even if they aren't always what we would have wanted." Being on the flip side made me realize that it is so much easier for me to give trust than to feel like I have earned it from others. It's affirming to know feel like my teachers trust me, and I want to live up to that! In a time where I am having to make some hard decisions, it has encouraged me to reflect on my relationships with leaders I have trusted - and, as mentioned above, something that means a lot to me is when leaders prioritize what is RIGHT over what is EASY. This tidbit has given me confidence to move forward on some things that may or may not be popular with everyone, but I believe they are the right thing for our kids and our district. As a person in a leadership position, it is my job to make these choices, even when it is uncomfortable. But hopefully, the thousands of other little decisions that have been made along the way have laid a foundation of trust for those who are affected.

Trust.

I could on and on, but one thing is clear: trust is foundational to all of our relationships, including those in schools.

How do you go about building trust with those around you? What makes (or breaks) trust in a relationship?

Coming Together or Coming Apart?

As I have mentioned before on this blog, my district is going through a lot of change right now. As we walk through it all, you can definitely feel an increased level of stress and tension in the office. Even though I think the changes will be for good in the end, right now, it's just leading to a lot of uncertainty!

Sometimes, this tension can drive people apart. Cliques can form, huddles happen, and everyone gets more isolated. Or, on the contrary, people get more irritable and take out their stress on each other.

I am so grateful that I have seen the opposite. In my office over the past week, there has been a lot more coming together. Everyone is being supportive of each other! There's something about all being in a situation together that opens up a deeper level of community.

One of the coolest things about this time, for me, has been the opportunity to engage in deeper conversations with people that I don't usually talk with. We are a large district, and I've only been in my role for about six months...so there are several people who I have never had more than a surface conversation with. I've appreciated the chance to get to know my coworkers much better as we talk about our hopes and fears for the future. In a field where relationships are key, even the talk about these changes has broken down some of the walls and allowed us to form stronger relationships than we had a week or two ago!

Times of stress are when culture really gets tested. Culture is sneaky - it is built slowly, moment by moment, and you don't always realize that it is there. Until something comes. Although I haven't been here for that long, it is clear to me that the culture has been built to help us come together, rather than come apart, during this time.

I want to end by sharing a video I shared to start a meeting on Friday - a good reminder to all of us that we are better together!