Lessons in Leadership: 2020-2021 Wrap-Up

I've been struggling to write this blog post for a couple of weeks now, because, really, what can you say to wrap up this school year? It's been an adventure, to be sure. As we get a bit further out from the actual last day of school, I find myself thinking about how we are moving forward -- specifically, how to balance all of the different needs coming out of this year.

Let's start with students. They certainly had an unplanned curriculum this year involving how to use technology in new ways, how to be more independent, and how to be flexible. These are all great skills for our students to learn! Yet at the same time, we know that many of them didn't make as much "traditional" academic progress this year as we would expect in a more normal environment. The gap has widened - the students who did well often continued to do well while those who struggled, for whatever reason, struggled even more in a distance learning environment. Next year will be full of different needs for our students.

Now let's talk about teachers. The summer always brings a much-needed break to rest and recharge, and teachers need to recharge more than ever after this year! The adults in our system are tired. Drained. Exhausted. Burned out. This is why we really struggled to find people to teach summer school. The adage, "You can't pour from an empty cup" is true, and we, as a system, are dangerously close to empty right now.

Balancing these two is where the challenge lies. My district is engaging in a lot of work this summer to prepare for next year, and to be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. I see the need, and I see how it will be a support for teachers. It's worthwhile work! At the same time, it's hard to push down the gas pedal and accelerate our plans in a time when people are so tired. We know the students need it, and as educators, we are trained to put students first! Yet the law of diminishing returns will definitely kick in at some point - when will we start to lose our effectiveness due to exhaustion? I'm personally struggling with this balance, and I know it's something every district is probably dealing with right now! There's no one perfect answer, but I think it's important to hold both student needs and teacher needs in tension as we approach the summer.

One thing I do know for sure is that we are all committed to doing the best we can to serve our students, whatever that looks like. I hope that you all get the chance to relax, play, read a book for fun, lay out in the sun, be creative, spend time with loved ones, and indulge in something exciting this summer! I'm trying to do the same in between the work to set our students up for success next school year too!

Nightmares

As a teacher, it wasn't unusual for me to start dreaming about my classroom in August as we returned from summer break, or right before a concert. Every now and then, a nightmare would pop up where I had lost children or where everything broke or some other absurd variation on what could go wrong. It's a common experience among teachers!

Although my position has changed, these nightmares still have a way of sneaking up on you. I can tell I've been more stressed about things lately, because I had my first "FTE nightmare" this week! And in keeping with my attentive #oneword2021, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on where this stress is coming from. Here are some of the things keeping me up at night...

• I'm worried about the future of all electives. Will we double down on math & literacy in an effort to "catch students up" and do so at the expense of the classes that round out their education?
• In particular, I'm worried about the future of music education. Singing events have led to the spread of the virus (although there are many factors to these events), and I fear that, in the court of public opinion, the risk just won't be worth it. Will students not sign up, or will schools not offer these classes?
• Then we come to the numbers game. In the electives world, your job is often determined by how many students sign up for your classes. Our enrollment is down across the board. Many students did not get the classes they signed up for this year due to schedule changes to make cohorts happen (they were just shoved into whatever elective class fit into their schedule). What impact will that have on next year?
• Speaking of that, budgets. What will the federal and state funding for public education look like? My state is known for the B.S. Factor (yes, that's what it's called, the Budget Stabilization Factor, or B.S. factor for short) which creates a deficit in funding public education in order to balance the budget. Less money from the state = hard decisions about what that means in schools.
• Which led to my nightmare. Of having to tell teachers that they are being let go or reassigned. And because our contract (similar to most) works on the basis of seniority, I dreamed about having to let go of some of our awesome teachers, who have created resources and shared and collaborated and worked like crazy to bring amazing content to our kids this year, because they happen to be lowest on the totem pole.
• I worry about the teachers I have the privilege to serve and lead. People are exhausted. Hanging on by a thread. Burned out. The spark, the joy of teaching is often muffled these days because teaching at boxes with profile pictures just isn't the same. And the asks are mounting. Vaccine distribution seems to be bringing hope, but we are continuing to exist in this heightened state of fear and alertness, and our bodies can only take so much of that. And then you add in concerns about job security. Will we make it?
• Ultimately, it comes back to our kids. I worry about their isolation, and also about the pressure they feel. These classes are connectors, they are places for kids who doesn't always do so well in academia to shine. They are often the highlight of a student's day. And with more information coming out about the impact of the pandemic on the mental health of children and teens, with every new story about a suicide or overdose, I think about how important it is that we don't just push our kids back into an environment of focusing solely on academics. There are other, perhaps greater, needs that we must attend to as well.

Usually, I try to be pretty positive on this blog, and I don't mean to say that it is all gloom and doom. I have seen amazing things happen this year, and I know that some good has come out of all of this! But I can't deny that these concerns are a constant rumble of low-level stress, and as planning for next year begins, they are starting to bubble up more.

As I reflect personally, I think that my goal is to hold all of this in balance. It is important for me to have these thoughts and acknowledge them, because they lead to advocating for what I believe is right and making wise decisions for the things under my control. But I can't let the fears overtake my life or drown out the joy of a profession where we truly get to impact lives. My hope for all of you is that, whatever your nightmares and dreams are, you will be able to balance it and still find the joy!

Silence

How often do we experience silence in this world?

[As teachers, not much!]

I have recently been reading Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, and Chapter 7 is all about silence. [Wait, a chapter on silence in a book about conversations? You will have to read it to find out more - definitely worth your time!]
Reading this chapter got me thinking...

...silence is when we are alone with our thoughts. When we can process through things.
...silence is when we can be mindful of who we are, how we are feeling, and where we are.
...silence is essential for developing new ideas and solving problems.

I usually like to be busy at work, but over break, I had the chance for large blocks of time of silence. It wasn't really silence, since I could hear the murmur of everything else going on in the office, but it was large uninterrupted blocks of time for me to think. And I was so productive! It was a different kind of productivity - not my usual checks on the to-do list or responding to emails - but more of a time to vision and let puzzle pieces fall into place.

Although my work life has picked up since then, I continue to build in bits of time to do this silent, thinking work. When I walk to church. When I run or swim in the mornings. When I close my email and sit in my office for five minutes without a task. I often solve problems during these times, coming up with solutions that I couldn't quite piece together before, because I just have a moment to stop and think.

This has led me to an interesting thought - do we give our kids the time for this type of quiet, reflective work? I can only imagine trying this in the classroom - how can we build this in (in a way that is not b-o-r-i-n-g)?

My challenge to you this week: make time for silence in your work, in your conversations, and in your life!

2018 Reflection | #OneWord2018 | INTEGRITY

As 2018 comes to a close, I am sitting in a warm house, looking out at the sparkling snow, with much to be grateful for. A new job (which I love!), new experiences (best of all, #DEN18), and so much growth, both personal and professional. I want to look back on my #OneWord2018 to guide my reflections.
*Fair warning: This post is about me, and I feel a bit selfish writing it. But isn't that what personal reflections are?

This year, I wanted to focus on integrity, with three components being engage(ing), courage, and initiative. This played out in many ways as through the year!

In January, I was able to be spontaneous and engage with new friends as I took a trip to California to meet #PLN buddies in person! I also enjoyed a trip to string camp, in which I found & had the integrity to admit, for the first time, that I was happy to be in ed tech and moving on from my time teaching in the classroom.

In February, I celebrated the culmination of my #OneWord2017 (LEAD) journey by summoning the courage to press "submit" on my PRAXIS (spoiler: I passed)!

In March, I did a lot of reflecting, and took the initiative to really think about #selfcare as a part of being a healthy educator.

In April, I earned my #GoogleET certification and blogged publicly, for the first time, about my desire to apply for the #GoogleEI program - it took courage to put it out there for accountability!

In May, I wrote about continuing to learn and grow as an ed tech leader and engaged in "real talk" as I shared my first #GoogleEI application and thoughts along the way.

In June, I wrote with integrity about my honest feelings about not getting into #LAX18, enjoyed seeing ways that music teachers were taking initiative to take ideas even further, and met SO MANY friends IRL at #ISTE2018! What a highlight that was, and a reminder of how special it is when we are ourselves - both online and in person - rather than wearing a mask or putting on a persona!

In July, I engaged in some more honest sharing as I wrote about changes (having no idea what was coming in my own life) and took the initiative to not only attend another #EdTechTeam summit but convince my brother to present with me (which was amazing)!

In August, I learned about taking a step back and allowing others to find the courage to lead and published one of my more popular posts of the year with the results of a survey about what people were looking for from ed tech specialists in schools that I took the initiative to put together.

In September, a lot happened as I had the courage to put myself out there! I moderated my first Twitter chat, applied for #GoogleEI again (and got accepted this time!), and started a new job. Talk about a big month!

In October, I thought a lot about leading with integrity and what that meant in my new position - from the messages I was sending to the struggle with balance to the need for courageous choices & conversations.

November wins the award for the most blogs written in a month, because I was at #DEN18 and blogged my way through! I made the decision after the first day of the academy to write vulnerably and engage in a real, raw way, which took courage and initiative. It ended up being a great experience that further fueled my desire to live with integrity and walk my talk of what I think is important!

Which brings us to December, where I exercised that integrity by making sure I was living a life that demonstrated #selfcare, took the initiative to bring some fun to the office, and wrote about my struggles and lessons learned with listening to others.

It's been a great year, and I truly see how my #OneWord2018 was woven in and out of my experiences! What will 2019 bring? Check back next week to see my #OneWord2019 and let's find out! Happy New Year, everyone!

This Winter Break...

We all need a break! This season, I hope you can...
Stop.
Rest.
Relax.
Say no to work (work-work or stuff that needs to be done).
Say yes to fun and spontaneity.
Play games.
Sing songs.
Make good food.
Eat good food.
Spend time with friends and family.
Serve others.
Be bored.
Sleep in.
Do nothing.
Stop.
Rest.
Relax.

At the same time, I hope that we can remember those...
...who are missing loved ones.
...who dread the days at home without the structure of school.
...who fear that they won't have presents this season.
...who do not find the holidays joyful.
...who are in pain (physical, emotional, spiritual).
...who need a reminder that they are loved.

Take a minute and text someone, will you? Send them a chocolate bar. Stop by and say hi. Give them a hug. Send a little encouragement their way this holiday season. Let them know that they are not alone.

Happy holidays to you all!

3 Ways to Build Community & Have Fun Together!

As the busy holiday season continues, I'm determined to not forget a few #selfcare tips (remember #MyRelaxing5?). Today's installment: 3 ways to have some team-building office fun!

1. Get outside & take a walk!

This one is super easy to implement. Find a buddy, and take a walk together! This gives you the chance to get some fresh air, to get some exercise, and to get to know each other in a little bit less formal setting. In Colorado, we are lucky enough to have sunny weather most days, but the temperature does vary quite a bit. Even when it's cold, put on your jackets/hats/gloves, and get out there!

I know it feels hard to give up even 10-15 minutes of plan time (or work time), but I have found that I am so much more productive after giving my mind & body a break, and I wouldn't trade the conversations and relationships for anything!

2. Stick Together

This activity was introduced to me by @zmidler, and has made an appearance in several school libraries! The basic idea is like paint-by-number, except with stickers - each little square (or pixel, so to speak) has a letter in it, and, using the key, you can put the thousands of different-colored little square stickers in the correct place. My favorite is pulling out the picture of the final product so you have to discover it as you go :-).

The fun of this activity is that it brings people together to work on something collaboratively! It is a great brain break that can last for 30 seconds or 10 minutes (just depending on how many stickers you add to the final product). And lots of people can be working on it at once!

I am not selling the product in any way, but if you want to find out more, visit www.letsticktogether.com. #adultslikestickerstoo

3. Coloring Tablecloths

This is another one I learned about from @zmidler - clearly, I like her ideas! Put out a coloring tablecloth + a bunch of markers, and see what happens! Coloring is a great brain break, and a chance to express your creativity! Just like StickTogether, several people can be working on it at once, and we've noticed that when one person sits down to color, it often draws more people in to take a quick 5-10 minute brain break, and builds community that way!

It's been interesting to see the progression of our coloring, as well. It started with being very concrete, and coloring in the lines, but as we get close to finishing it (and find ourselves coloring the same pictures at a different part of the tablecloth), people are branching out and being more creative in the way they use the markers to fill the space!

The bonus part of this is - if you use washable markers, you can wash it once you are done and start over again next year! Again, I am not selling anything, but if you want to find out more, here's the link: thecoloringtable.com. #adultscolortoo

As the resident director of Fine & Performing Arts, I love creative ways to bring people together - adults or students! What ideas do you have? Please share in the comments!

#MyRelaxing5

As I sit here with Christmas decorations (mostly) up, enjoying the cozy light of the tree, it seems to be an appropriate time to write #MyRelaxing5. This blog challenge began with @msventurino, and has made its way through the #sunchatbloggers group, focusing on something educators are not always good at - taking time for ourselves.

Learning to rest. Sitting on the couch with a soft, cozy blanket, and Christmas lights glowing. #thisishygge #hyggetime #hygge pic.twitter.com/Rmoaz4GDKI

— Aubrey Yeh (@Ms_A_Yeh) November 26, 2018

If you know me IRL or have seen me online for any length of time, it's probably not a secret that I am a go-go-go type of person! I enjoy a fast-paced lifestyle, I love being involved in many different things, and I'm passionate about the work I do. The flip side of this is that I'm not good at resting. Or saying no. Or doing things for myself. But neglecting that side of life can definitely lead to burnout and not being as effective at...well...anything. This is the perfect time of the year for a reminder to slow down and take a moment to just relax.

Here are #MyRelaxing5, 5 non-work things that I will commit to doing for ourselves before the end of 2018.

1. Go on a vacation!

Okay, this is sorta cheating because I've already done it, but it was a big one! Once I left the classroom, I also left behind Thanksgiving break, winter break, spring break, and summer. As a teacher, I was "told" when my time off was, and I took advantage of it! Now, I work year-round, and it didn't occur to me at first that I purposefully need to plan some chunks of time to take off. I've taken a couple of long weekends or time off to go to other conferences (which doesn't really count), but this is the first real, extended vacation I've taken in several years, making it worthy of inclusion on this list! I need to do this at least once per year, whether it's traveling out of the country or just taking days off for a staycation!

2. Making fun food

I always know my stress level is low when I feel like I have time to experiment in the kitchen. And what better time to cook than the holidays? Whether it's trying a new recipe or making my traditional Christmas fudge, I want to make time to play in the kitchen.

3. Sit on the couch and do nothing.

I'm serious. Sometimes the best thing I can do is...nothing. There's something relaxing about just saying no to deadlines, work-work, fun-work, volunteer responsibilities, chores, and everything else for a moment. It's hard to quiet my mind, but when I can get to that place of doing nothing and letting my thoughts wander, it's one of the most relaxing things in the world!

4. Reading

On my recent trip, lots of time on airplanes meant time to read. As I updated my "Books I've Read in 2018" list, I realized I hadn't finished a book in two months! Yikes. Somehow, between switching jobs and everything else I had going on, reading just got pushed to the bottom of the priority list. But it is something that brings me great joy! My recent "kick" has been reading books that are stories, whether nonfiction or fiction, of refugees, along with some professional reading to help me in my new role. I'm happy to say that over the past two weeks, I've read 7 books and am in the middle of #8. It feels so good to be back into it!

5. Making Music

One of my favorite relaxing things to do is to play piano. Or to play violin with friends. One of my favorite Christmas traditions is playing piano duets with my sister. It's time to practice! Making music always calms me, no matter how stressed I am, and provides a good, quick outlet for my creative juices. I want to play more before the end of 2018.

So there you go - #MyRelaxing5. Please feel free to ask and hold me accountable for actually doing these things!

What will you commit to doing for yourself by the end of the year? Share using the hashtag #MyRelaxing5, and don't forget to take care of YOU in this busy season!

An Open Admission

Hi, friends. I need to admit something to you.

I'm having a hard time with balance right now.

I just started a new job, and I love it! But there is so much to do, and so much to learn, and everything takes me longer than it should because I am learning as I go.

There are some things I am really proud of, like taking the time to get into the schools and not getting stuck in my office all day long! The downside is that I am struggling to keep up with my email and office work, and if there's one thing I've heard clearly, it's that people want communication. This past week, I've just ended up staying late to catch up on it all. Every day.

On top of that, I still have things planned from my old job, such as the weekend event I attended today! Even though I didn't have to go, I wanted to! So what happened? I worked late every night this week and then went to an all-day work event on Saturday. Hmmmm...it doesn't take a genius to know that something is a little bit off here.

I know I can't keep up this pace, or I will burn out. But I don't know how to manage my time yet to get a little more in alignment.

There's a part of me that wants to chalk this up to it just being a busy season. While I think that's true (transitions are always a whirlwind!), there's got to be more to the story as well. I need to find a way to not let work take over my life so much and still get enough done that I can (mostly) keep up.

On Friday, on a whim, I texted a friend and asked if I could hang out with her and her family for a bit. It was a great couple of hours and the perfect way for me to break OUT of work mentality after a long week (because, you know, just because you leave work doesn't mean you stop thinking about work). It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

I do not write this to complain. I'm writing to acknowledge a tension that many feel in education, and in society. The competing desires to do well in a profession and take care of ourselves as humans can feel so hard to balance! This week has been very heavily weighted one way, and I want to be open and honest about that. Next week, I'll shoot for more little victories to help bring things back into alignment.

How do you find balance? I could use any tips & tricks - please share your ideas below!

The Hamster Wheel

To be perfectly honest, I'm sitting down this morning to blog, feeling like this:

So much to do.
Always going.
Never stopping.
No end in sight.

Welcome to the beginning of the school year! I thought it would get easier if I wasn't a teacher. Somehow, it still seems just as crazy. It's draining! And exhausting!

As the pace quickens, my chances for reflection dwindle. I find myself struggling to keep up with it all, let alone take a minute to step back and think about if this is the best way to be tackling my work. Go. Go. Go. The beat drums ever on.

Unfortunately, I feel that exhaustion creeping up at me in all areas of life. I have been making more mistakes than usual at work. I come home with no energy to do even the simplest things, so housework is piling up. I'm mentally exhausted, and anything that requires thought feels like a big task (even when it isn't really).

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, especially at this time of year! So what can be done? I'm sharing these things not because I am great at them, but as a challenge/reminder to myself.

• Sleep makes a huge difference. When I want to stay up to get things done, I have to remember that I am so much more efficient in the morning after getting some rest - it's worth it!
• Eating well is important too. It's easy to turn to junk food (don't ask how many pieces of chocolate I've had this week!), but it doesn't fuel you to be your best.
• Exercise, for me, is a great chance to push my body while letting my mind wander. I don't typically listen to anything when I swim or run, I just let my thoughts run wild. I end up doing a lot of mental processing during these times, which allows me to "file" thoughts and organize my day better.
• Mindless activities are okay at times. I generally don't like watching a lot of TV, but when I come home and can't bring myself to do anything, sometimes zoning out and watching a show for awhile gives me the chance to recover and regroup so I can do what needs to be done for the rest of the night.
• Take a break! [Insert Hamilton music here] Do something just for the fun of it. That's all. We aren't made to work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat, repeat. It's okay to disconnect for awhile!
• Remember the bigger picture. Something at work/school can feel huge to me, but there are really much more important things in life. Remembering that helps put things in perspective.

What do you do to keep your sanity during stressful times? Any/all advice is appreciated!

Teachers, Take Care of Yourselves

I had planned on writing about other things, but after receiving some tough news this week, suddenly this message seemed more important.

Teachers, take care of yourselves.

All around us, life happens. Family issues, relationship issues, health issues, societal issues, accidents and tragedies, etc. Some of it inevitably affects us. It affects our kids, too.

The problem is that we, as teachers, are really good at paying attention to and taking care of others. That's part of what drew us to this profession! But we are not always as good at taking care of ourselves.




Some of the best advice I have been given came from a principal, days after a major event happened at my school that affected students and teachers alike. She said, "Don't be surprised if it comes back around and you really struggle with this in a couple of months. Right now, your focus is on helping the students deal with it, and you are not spending as much time on yourself...that's how teachers are wired. At some point, after the intensity has passed with students, you might find yourself coming back around and really dealing with it yourself." She was so right. And her words helped me not feel crazy when, two months later, all of the emotions came back strongly, with no apparent trigger.



So, while I would never tell teachers not to focus on students (not like we could, anyway), I just want to remind us to take care of ourselves, too. As a friend asked me in the middle of my tough week, "What are you doing for YOU today?" Take a moment. Treat yourself. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. And realize that YOU are worth taking care of, too.

We don't know what tomorrow will bring, but we can all spread love to the world.

Give that love to others, but don't forget about YOU.

Teachers, take care of yourselves.

PLN in Real Life!

Before I got on Twitter, I could never understand how PLN connections could grow so strong. We're only interacting over the computer, right? In the past year and a half, I have had my mind blown and world expanded as I have truly made friends from all over the world.

Lunch with friends - PLN IRL :-)

This past week, I was able to take a vacation to visit some of my PLN friends in real life!

The short story: It was amazing!

The longer story: Over the past year or so, @msventurnio, @meagan_e_kelly, and I have built a friendship on Twitter. It began with holding each other accountable to having a better work-life balance, and has blossomed into so much more! They have been an amazing support system for me as we all navigate both life and a career in education.

When Mari mentioned that she had an extra ticket to Hamilton, I half-jokingly asked if I could fly out and see it with her. The joke quickly became reality, and we planed a trip for me to come visit for a few days! Along with the show, we enjoyed going to the zoo, the beach (well, sort of, as it was rainy), and just hanging out together.

Hamilton - if you get the chance,
DEFINITELY go see this show!

Zoo! Animals!

Here's the thing: I get that it's a little weird to fly to a different state to hang out with someone you've never actually met before. And I know it's important to teach our kids to be safe and cautious online. But I never want us to be so fearful of the bad that we miss out on the powerful good that can come through connecting! The conversations I have had through my PLN have completely enriched my life as an educator and as a person. I wouldn't trade it for the world! Every time I go to a conference, I enjoy meeting people who I have interacted with online, and deepening our relationship.

PLN friendships are real. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I came back from this trip feeling so refreshed - partially because I was on vacation, but also because I was able to relax and hang out with friends (thank you so much for hosting me, Mari!). I'm grateful for all of my PLN friends and look forward to meeting many more of you over the years - but, at the same time, I know that our friendships are already strong because of what we do every day!

Saying NO to Work

Coming off of Thanksgiving break has me wondering:

How often do we, as educators, truly take a break?

You see, even when there's no school/work, here's the dialogue that is usually going on in my brain:
"I need to reply to those emails. It would be nice to get ahead on that lesson planning! Oh yeah, and that new tool I wanted to try, this break would be a great time to do that. I can also work on my Google Certification and catch up on grading. And then there's that blog post I told [name] I would write, and that letter of recommendation for [name], and I want to decorate my classroom for the holiday season. And I haven't even gotten to my grad school papers & reading that need to be done, it would be nice to do those when I'm not focusing on school/work."

Honestly, even though I have been working on my work/life balance, I don't think I've taken a real break since last spring. I was busy teaching music, then I dove right into my summer school principal position, and halfway through that, started my new job as an ed tech specialist and jumped to full-time as soon as summer school was over. This Thanksgiving, I was really feeling the need to step away, yet guilt still threatened. It definitely took some discipline to just say NO!

"I need to reply to those emails. NO, they can wait till next week! It would be nice to get ahead on that lesson planning! NO! It would be nice, but it doesn't have to happen. Oh yeah, and that new tool I wanted to try, this break would be a great time to do that. NO! That can happen later. I can also work on my Google Certification and catch up on grading. NO! I don't need to cram all of it right now, and who is really checking grades over break anyway? Even if they are, it is perfectly legitimate to say that I was on break. And then there's that blog post I told [name] I would write, and that letter of recommendation for [name], and I want to decorate my classroom for the holiday season. NO! These can all happen when I go back to work. And I haven't even gotten to my grad school papers & reading that need to be done, it would be nice to do those when I'm not focusing on school/work. NO! You will have time to do that over the weekend, which is when you usually do grad school stuff, you don't need to do it now."

Here's the end of the story - after taking three days completely off, I am back to work today, mostly with grad school. I may not be particularly looking forward to it, but I'm feeling so refreshed! I might even dive into some of my other work today. In a perfect world, I wouldn't work at all over weekends, but I have plenty to do. Taking the time to really get away, though, has me in a much better place than I was previously, and I'm going to guess that my work will go more quickly and be of better quality than it would have if I had forced it over break!

Maybe there is something to learn from a two-year-old whose favorite word is NO! :-)

What are they REALLY saying?

We, as people, say things all of the time. But do we always say what we mean? Often, we have to look beyond the words and interpret what is really going on, even if it is not exactly what is being said.

I often have to do this with myself as well. When I am feeling grumpy, stressed, frustrated, or upset, it's easy for me to focus on the immediate thing going on, rather than the underlying issue. Whether conscious or subconscious, I'm not always honest with myself at first...and I am always grateful for friends who ask me the right questions to tease out my deeper thoughts and motivations.

"I don't want to do this!"

Is there something you don't understand about it? Is there something else going on that is stressing you out? Has something happened in the past that makes you feel like this won't be a good experience? What is the part that you are dreading the most? Why?

"I'm so stressed out."

What is stressing you out? What parts of it are under your control? What parts are not under your control? Do you need to take a quick break to refresh your mind? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating well? Is there something else going on in the background that is increasing your stress level? What would help you feel better? Can you do anything small right now to feel like you are moving forward?

My natural instinct is to want to focus on the specific issue, to give advice, or share a related story from my own life, but I am trying to become more of a question-asker (both in my own thought life and with others). Along with helping figure out what's really going on, it communicates to people that they are heard and valued. It suspends judgment and seeks more information, honoring the fact the people usually have a reason for their actions/feelings.

As a person who is in a coaching role now, it is so important for me to help others discover their own answers instead of "being an expert". I want to help us focus on the bigger issues, not just the symptoms that bubble up from day to day.

"What if students use technology for bad things?"
"It's just all too much, too overwhelming."
"We need to be more aligned in our vision."

What are people really saying?

Work, Work, Work...What About Life?

This post is cross-posted on Mari, Meagan, & Aubrey’s blogs.

Mari is a middle school Science & AVID teacher and Blended Learning Specialist in San Diego, CA.

Meagan is a middle school Math, AVID, & Technology teacher and the Team Technology Leader in Hesperia, CA.

Aubrey has been a music teacher & Summer Learning principal, and is currently an Educational Technology Specialist in Boulder, CO.
Teach kids all day, then bring grading and lesson planning home at night. Does this sound familiar? If you asked a room full of teachers, I’m sure nearly every head would be nodding - this is the story of our lives! According to an NPR article, “Attrition is high, and enrollment in teacher preparation programs has fallen some 35 percent over the past five years — a decrease of nearly 240,000 teachers in all." Budget cuts, paperwork, behavior challenges, and ever-increasing demands add extra stress to our already stressful jobs.

Work/life balance has always been struggle for all three of us. We have this tendency to work many hours past the required hours of our teaching days. It’s very common for us to get into work early, leave an hour after our days finish, and spend a large portion of our nights working on lesson planning, grading, blogging, or various side projects. If you’re thinking this sounds like some “Woe is me” story – it isn’t.

In the end, the underlying issue is that we love what we do. We love being teachers, working with students, developing lessons and, yes, even grading and reviewing their work. Education has never been just a “job” to us – it’s a major part of our identity. It’s our passion. And we spend a large portion of our days working on various projects because we enjoy it. However, we began to realize that it isn’t healthy for our work/life balance or the relationships with those around us to work the majority of the week.

Enter the idea of Work Rules. We each began to create boundaries for ourselves, unique to our specific situations, and write them down. We were amazed (and horrified) at how challenging it was for us to try to define some limits to our work! We also included reminders of what we could do instead of work [behavioral therapy concepts - you can’t just extinguish a behavior without developing a replacement behavior] and why we were doing this in the first place. Then we gave permission to hold each other accountable, which has been key to changing our habits.

Aubrey: I’ll be honest, there is no silver bullet to finding and maintaining balance. I still bring more work home than I would like and don’t always follow my “work rules”. That being said, I have noticed a definite difference in my mindset as we’ve gone through this journey. A night without work is becoming something to be celebrated, rather than a reason to feel guilty. I find myself asking, “Does this really need to be done at home, or could it wait until tomorrow?” more often. And I am slowly getting better at setting limits for myself, such as only bringing one project home (instead of everything that needs to be done) or setting a timer for how long I work (once it goes off, no more work for me)! The accountability and camaraderie has been huge - for picking me up when I am struggling, for spurring me on to do better, and sometimes just to have a place to share how hard this is! In this ongoing journey of living LIFE to the fullest, I am grateful for friends who are not afraid to ask the tough questions and provide gentle reminders when needed. It’s not always easy...but it is worth it!

Meagan: A couple of months ago, I really began to reflect on my work/life balance.  Around this time, Aubrey and Mari shared their idea for “work rules” and…it was amazing!  I quickly began to develop my own set of rules in hopes of developing some balance in my life.  As Aubrey mentions above, I still struggle with maintaining balance and following these rules but I can tell that there has been a definite shift in my mindset.  Although I have always been a good time manager, I’ve started to balance when I will do “work-work” (site/district) and when I will do my “side work” (blogging, presenting, etc).  I’ve been able to use much of my time at school to finish my lesson planning, grading, and projects which has opened opportunities to work on my “side work” projects at home.  Before, I was doing both and it was clear that this would not last forever.  I have also tried to set aside one day of the week where I do not do any “work-work” and at least one night where I do not do any work related to education.  I’ve definitely broken these rules several times but it has been helpful to have friends who check-in and encourage me to keep with these goals.  I still have a long ways to go on truly creating a work/life balance but…you have to start somewhere, right?

Mari: It’s been a constant battle for me to find the right work/life balance because teaching is both my passion and my job. However, I began realizing that in order to be the best teacher for my students, I also need to take care of myself. Prior to creating the Work Rules with Aubrey and Meagan, I felt guilty if I didn’t work all weekend and most weeknights. That pace was neither sustainable nor healthy for me. Now, I give myself all of Sunday off from anything education-related, and use this time to recharge, relax, and pursue fun things (like napping!). As both Aubrey and Meagan said, there are times the rules have been bent or broken; while I’m routinely committed to my Sundays off, I haven’t always given myself a few work-free weeknights due to school commitments or interruptions/distractions during my prep period. I’m so grateful for our group. Not only do they keep me accountable to my work/life balance commitments, but also they encourage and push me to be a better person!

We are on a journey together - far from perfect, yet always growing. Frequently just before or after work, we check in with each other to see what the day looks like and what our work/no-work plans are for the day. This keeps us centered throughout the day and into the evening.

What steps are you taking to balance work and life?