#oneword2019 Reflection: COURAGE

2019 was a weird year for me professionally - a year of growth and change. I would really divide it into two parts: the end of the 18-19 school year (when I was in one position) and the beginning of the 19-20 school year (when my position changed). My #oneword2019 was courage, and I needed in both phases!

Here's what I wanted to have:

• Courage to embrace change
• Courage to look at things differently
• Courage to say no to some things and give up control
• Courage to do what's right, not just what's easy
• Courage to not run from tough conversations
• Courage to step out with confidence and lead

The first half of my year was all about courage and growth as a leader. I'm proud to look back and say that I did try to do what is right, not just what is easy, to have some tough conversations, and to lead with confidence. I also had the courage to take on a leading role in our district's strategic plan, something that felt way over my head! I grew so much in being willing to make hard decisions and stand behind them, yet (hopefully) deliver them with grace and compassion. I came out feeling stronger, and realizing that I really could do some things that scared me...and do them well! It wasn't all positive, but I am happy with the way I was able to put courage into action.

As I transitioned into my new role over the summer, a different kind of courage was required. I found myself often having to reflect on that bullet point of saying no to some things, because they were no longer my job...which was hard! I needed the courage to embrace change, because whether I wanted it or not, change was here.

To be honest, if I were to pick a word for the second half of my year, it would be struggle. Struggle isn't always bad, but it isn't ever easy. And it takes courage to keep going through struggle.

It's been a struggle to settle into my new role, to figure out what my days look like now, and how to work with a new team. Sometimes, courage has manifested in having the strength to look inward to figure out what really is triggering my frustration. Sometimes, courage has been being honest about how I am feeling and what I need. Sometimes, courage has looked like continuing to show up, to be present, and to put one foot in front of the other when it's hard.

In an unexpected way, through the highs and the lows, courage ended up being a very appropriate word for my year. It's something I know I need to carry with me into 2020 as I continue to hope through the struggle. But a new year is a time to focus on a new word.

What will it be? Stay tuned!

#OneWord2019: COURAGE (Update)

At the beginning of 2019, as I have for the past several years, I chose my #oneword for the year: COURAGE. Being just a few months into a leadership role, it seemed appropriate for what I was working on and where I was at.

For Christmas, one of my friends gave me a bracelet. It became the symbol of my #oneword2019. If I had a big meeting or presentation that day, or if I knew I would be having a tough conversation, or if I would have to make a decision that would be hard, I would have that bracelet on. It reminded me to be courageous, but also of where my strength came from, and that there were people who believed in me and who were rooting for me. That encouragement meant the world to me, and I would often glance down or briefly touch the bracelet in the moments when I needed courage the most.

As the year has gone on, my confidence has grown, and I've found myself reaching for that bracelet less and less. I still love the bracelet and the reminder, but courage has become increasingly internalized. Although it might seem small and silly, this has been a tangible indication of my growth this year.

What have I learned?

Nothing profound, really. Just that some things are never easy. There will always be hard conversations to have. Nobody likes dealing with tough issues - not even the people who do it well. They simply have the courage to step into the arena and face them head-on.

I've also learned that, as a leader, some decisions are up to me. I can ask for advice and seek out input, but in the end, I'm the one who needs to step up and choose a direction. And sometimes it's actually more helpful when I do that, rather than leaving everybody wondering and wandering in ambiguity.

Finally, I've learned that courage and honesty and vulnerability often go hand in hand. Being courageous means being real, even when I don't have it all together.

I look forward to continuing my year of courage!

5 Things I've Learned About Tough Decisions

When my supervisor asked me how my week has been, I responded that "I've felt a little beat up this week. But I'm happy with how I'm handling it." Being an administrator is full of making tough decisions, and often, those decisions generate negative feedback. Sometimes, like this week, a bunch of circumstances all converge, and it feels like I am hearing negative feedback about many different decisions and aspects of my job all at once.

"So what? It's a part of the job," you might say. It's true, but the problem is that I can be an approval addict. I want everyone to like me, all of the time! I know it's not healthy or possible, but it doesn't stop me from feeling uncomfortable when somebody is unhappy with me. This year has yielded many, *ahm*, "opportunities" to practice getting over this tendency.

As our conversation continued, she asked me, "What's different, that makes you you feel like you are handling it well?" While I can't narrow it down to just one thing, here are five things I've learned about making tough decisions:

1. Root your decisions in data, and don't be afraid to share your thought process.

This has been one of the biggest things for me to fall back on in my conversations. I don't make decisions "just because". There is a method to the madness! And when it is rooted in data, whether qualitative or quantitative, it is easier to articulate in a way that makes sense. Transparency and building understanding go a long way in helping people move forward after tough decisions.

2. Respond. Don't put it off.

As I have heard from a wide variety of stakeholders about decisions that I have made and responded, some people have seemed genuinely surprised and grateful to get a response. It's so tempting for me to put off calling back after hearing a voicemail or responding to an unhappy email, but when I do, it actually starts the conversation off on a good note, because it shows that I genuinely value their feedback and am willing to have a conversation.

3. K.I.S.S.

Tough conversations can wander all over the place, which is okay, but in the end, I want to keep it simple. I need to be able to boil my decision down to a couple of simple talking points and keep returning to them. This takes me out of the space of having to respond to every emotion and accusation that comes up, and focuses on the core issue. I don't mean to say that you shouldn't listen and respond, or that you shouldn't be open to changing your mind...but make sure you are staying rooted in the real issue at hand, and not wandering into side issues as you go.

4. Proactive communication > reactive communication

As much as possible, proactive communication can help soften and set the stage when decisions need to be made. Nobody likes feeling caught off-guard! Sometimes it even helps to know that a decision is coming, so people can prepare themselves for it.

On a similar note, if you think that things might escalate, it never hurts to give your boss a heads-up that you anticipate some possible pushback. At that point, you can make sure you are on the same page and both feel comfortable with the decision, as well as your response.

5. Trust yourself, but be open to others.

Ultimately, no matter how others feel about it, some decisions are mine to make. I have to be confident enough in myself to know that I am doing the best I can with what I have, and that is enough. Sometimes I'll make mistakes, and that is okay too. This is where being open to others comes in. Prior to making a tough decision, soliciting feedback can keep you from missing certain angles and perspectives. After a decision has been made, if somebody points out something you haven't thought of, be open to that. Weigh it against your reasoning, and see if it changes your thought process. Don't be afraid to take more time to think about it if necessary. But in the end, if the decision is yours to make, the person you have to convince is yourself. Trust your instincts.

We all have decisions to make every day. What have you learned about making tough decisions? Share your tips and thoughts below!

#OneWord2019 | Courage

Happy new year, #PLN! As 2019 approached, I spent some time thinking about what my #oneword2019 should be. For the past two years, I have chosen one word to focus on for the year, and they have both been very appropriate. In 2017, my word was lead, and I ended up getting my principal's license, leading a summer school site, and changing jobs to more of a district leadership role! Last year, my word was integrity, which was a guiding force as I faced challenges and choices in big and small ways. This year, I am following up with another word that relates to my past two...

Courage to embrace change

There are many changes coming in my work, and probably in other areas of life, too! I want to have the courage to embrace them, rather than be anxious about them.

Courage to look at things differently

Keeping with the status quo is safe. It takes courage to voice a different perspective and be willing to explore new ideas!

Courage to say no to some things and give up control

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to say no. It can take courage to admit that you don't have the capacity for that right now, or that it just isn't what you want to be focusing on. Especially when saying no might mean that the thing you are talking about may not happen...or it may look very different. I want to have the courage to say no to some things so I can say yes to the right things.

Courage to do what's right, not just what's easy

In my leadership role, I have been in so many situations where it's just easier to let things slide. There is a temptation to take the easy route, whether that is not involving everybody in shared decision-making, shying away from pushing people to continually grow, or allocating resources in the same way they've been allocated in the past rather than really analyzing why they are allocated that way. None of these would be particularly wrong if I went a different route, but I want to be holding myself to the standard of caring more about doing things the right way than doing things the easy way.

Courage to not run from tough conversations

This is a personal area of growth for me - I don't like conflict! I want to be willing to face the tough conversations and handle them with compassion, love, grace, and sincerity while still standing firm.

Courage to step out with confidence and lead

This is another very personal area of growth - I feel like I have been placed in a position of leadership and responsibility pretty quickly (in my career), and I am still growing into it. I want to grow in my own personal confidence in my abilities and trust myself. This doesn't mean that I won't seek out help from others (at all!), but that I won't constantly be second-guessing myself and will be a better advocate and leader.

What's your #OneWord2019?

2018 Reflection | #OneWord2018 | INTEGRITY

As 2018 comes to a close, I am sitting in a warm house, looking out at the sparkling snow, with much to be grateful for. A new job (which I love!), new experiences (best of all, #DEN18), and so much growth, both personal and professional. I want to look back on my #OneWord2018 to guide my reflections.
*Fair warning: This post is about me, and I feel a bit selfish writing it. But isn't that what personal reflections are?

This year, I wanted to focus on integrity, with three components being engage(ing), courage, and initiative. This played out in many ways as through the year!

In January, I was able to be spontaneous and engage with new friends as I took a trip to California to meet #PLN buddies in person! I also enjoyed a trip to string camp, in which I found & had the integrity to admit, for the first time, that I was happy to be in ed tech and moving on from my time teaching in the classroom.

In February, I celebrated the culmination of my #OneWord2017 (LEAD) journey by summoning the courage to press "submit" on my PRAXIS (spoiler: I passed)!

In March, I did a lot of reflecting, and took the initiative to really think about #selfcare as a part of being a healthy educator.

In April, I earned my #GoogleET certification and blogged publicly, for the first time, about my desire to apply for the #GoogleEI program - it took courage to put it out there for accountability!

In May, I wrote about continuing to learn and grow as an ed tech leader and engaged in "real talk" as I shared my first #GoogleEI application and thoughts along the way.

In June, I wrote with integrity about my honest feelings about not getting into #LAX18, enjoyed seeing ways that music teachers were taking initiative to take ideas even further, and met SO MANY friends IRL at #ISTE2018! What a highlight that was, and a reminder of how special it is when we are ourselves - both online and in person - rather than wearing a mask or putting on a persona!

In July, I engaged in some more honest sharing as I wrote about changes (having no idea what was coming in my own life) and took the initiative to not only attend another #EdTechTeam summit but convince my brother to present with me (which was amazing)!

In August, I learned about taking a step back and allowing others to find the courage to lead and published one of my more popular posts of the year with the results of a survey about what people were looking for from ed tech specialists in schools that I took the initiative to put together.

In September, a lot happened as I had the courage to put myself out there! I moderated my first Twitter chat, applied for #GoogleEI again (and got accepted this time!), and started a new job. Talk about a big month!

In October, I thought a lot about leading with integrity and what that meant in my new position - from the messages I was sending to the struggle with balance to the need for courageous choices & conversations.

November wins the award for the most blogs written in a month, because I was at #DEN18 and blogged my way through! I made the decision after the first day of the academy to write vulnerably and engage in a real, raw way, which took courage and initiative. It ended up being a great experience that further fueled my desire to live with integrity and walk my talk of what I think is important!

Which brings us to December, where I exercised that integrity by making sure I was living a life that demonstrated #selfcare, took the initiative to bring some fun to the office, and wrote about my struggles and lessons learned with listening to others.

It's been a great year, and I truly see how my #OneWord2018 was woven in and out of my experiences! What will 2019 bring? Check back next week to see my #OneWord2019 and let's find out! Happy New Year, everyone!

Leadership Reflections & a Scattered Mind

As I sit down to blog this week, I have so many ideas of what I could write about - an accurate display of where my mind is right now (all over the place)! The central theme, though, that has defined my week, is thinking about the weightier parts of leadership.

I feel like we're past the honeymoon period of, "I'm so glad to be here!" And, from the teachers I am working with, "We are so glad you are here!" Now, it's moving into reality - where real things are happening, real decisions have to be made, and tough conversations happen.

I don't share any of this to complain - I know what I signed up for, and I made the choice to step into it! But I have always tried to be honest on my blog with my reflections, and that includes the bad with the good.

The Hardest Thing

The most challenging thing, for me, is having to make decisions that I don't think are best. Sometimes, we are limited to Choice A or Choice B based on different constraints, and neither one is good! I might need to choose Choice A, because it is the lesser of two evils, but doing that and then "selling" it as I communicate out is a tough pill to swallow. I try to be transparent about what I think/feel, but it is a fine line, because sometimes the different constraints or parts that go into a decision are not things that can be made public...and I never want to throw anyone else under the bus, either!

Of course, not all challenges are like that. Some, my team & I have been able to think creatively about to solve with Choice C or M or Z. These moments feel so good - when we can find a way out of what looks like a no-win situation!

The Emotional Burden

This is nothing new, because we carry it as teachers, too - but it is just expanded. Simply put, educators care about people. That's why we are in this profession. And when the people who we work with have things going on in their lives, we feel it too.  Additionally, sometimes I know about things going on at the district level that might negatively affect individuals for a variety of reasons. Holding that can feel weighty and sad. I don't always disagree - sometimes what is best for the whole system isn't what is best for every individual - but I still feel bad for how it will impact others.

Courageous Conversations

This is an area where I have already seen a lot of growth in myself, and I hope it continues. Tough conversations happen. They need to happen in order to inspire change or growth! Yet, if I am honest, I just want to go and hide when I know these are coming. Humans don't like discomfort! Often, I have to take a minute to gather my courage before making a tough phone call or responding to someone, and then enter the conversation with grace, truth, and love. It helps me to think of being in the other person's shoes and thinking about how I would want to receive the information. I think that one of the worst things we can do is to try to "pad" bad news too much - sending very mixed messages and leaving a feeling of confusion behind. Kindness is important, but clarity is too, and we can't lose that!

So there you have it - random reflections from my week. I should also share that there have been so many good moments this week - from enjoying 1st grade art class to working with teachers eager to learn to attending an awesome art party to dreaming about the future! Most of my time, in fact, is filled with these exciting things! It all goes together to make this challenging, beautiful work of educational leadership.

What happens when you DON'T get accepted to #GoogleEI?

A long time ago, I promised to always write honestly on this blog. That means celebrating the successes, but also being real about the challenges. Two weeks ago, I was excited after applying to the #GoogleEI #LAX18 cohort! Earlier this week, I was disappointed to find out that I was not accepted.

The stages of disappointment

While everybody reacts & processes differently, here's what my past few days have looked like:

1. "Oh."

I wasn't in the best mood that day to begin with, so my initial reaction was basically, "Of course. Why would I expect anything different? It's just more of the same right now." Not something I'm proud of, but that really was my first thought.

2. Sharing

After I had a minute to collect my thoughts, I wanted to share the news. Rather, I didn't want to be asked 1,000 times - I would rather put it out there on my terms. First, I shared with my friends who helped me with my application, then I put it out to the Twitterverse. I wanted to truly congratulate those who got in, and I knew I was not the only person feeling disappointed, so I wanted to encourage those in the same boat as me. It took me a bit to craft a tweet to say what I wanted, but then I put it out there.

This also included liking & replying to many #PLN friends who did make it in, and especially those who didn't. It's so easy to feel like you are the only one, because more people share about their happy moments than their sad ones. I was motivated to break that lie down right away!

3. Thinking

If you know me, you know that I usually don't feel at peace with things until I've had some time to think & process. That happened after I went home for the evening. I hate failing, and I hate being rejected, and even though I know that's not the end of the story, I was definitely feeling both of those things. I appreciate my friends who tweeted, texted, messaged, & talked me through some of my feelings, reminded me that there are many more chances, and drove home the fact that this is not a reflection on who I am. Even though I knew some of these things, it was still helpful to hear them. I also appreciated the reminders that it was okay to feel bad, as long as I didn't stay there forever.

4. Growing & Improving

This is the one I am struggling with right now. I want to grow & improve, and I would never say that my application is perfect, but I felt good about what I put together. So now I'm feeling a bit stuck with knowing how to improve it. I like having a plan, and I don't have one right now! I know it's still pretty fresh, and I think that the best thing I can do right now is step away from my application for a bit and come back to it later with fresh eyes. In the meantime, I want to do what I hope to do every day, regardless of anything I'm applying for - learn and grow as an educator and as a person!

5. Schedule & Logistics

I include this in here, because I didn't realize how much I was planning my summer around keeping those dates in July open! I am a year-round employee, so I work through the summer, and that was going to be my mini-vacation that I took off. Now that it's not happening, I need to make sure to give myself a break somewhere, but the dates are more flexible. This is my next step...figuring out what my summer will look like with Plan B!

The Surprising Benefits

While I still wish I had gotten in, there are a couple of good things that have come out of this:

1. Community

Truly, my friends are amazing. The EDU community on Twitter is amazing. The amount of encouragement I have received is such a reminder that people care. In a world where the negative often gets amplified, I have heard nothing but positive messages. I have no doubt that these people are cheerleaders, encouragers, and a positive force in the lives of their students/colleagues/families as well, and that gives me such hope!

2. Inviting Others Onboard

I don't know if this would have happened either way, but I've heard from a couple of people that they are interested in applying for the next cohort, and there's something powerful about saying, "Yes! Let's go for it together!" It's been cool to see how even my "failures" have encouraged others to step out in their own journey.

What's next?

Well, as I said in my original post, I don't have any regrets about applying, even with this outcome. The application pushed me to think creatively and become a better educator. I'll keep learning and connecting. I will keep working to make education better for kids and for all of us. And I'm pretty sure I will be applying again in the future. Who wants to join me?